The Food Pyramid
by: Bob Wood
Just a few calories ago, the government revised the
food pyramid. You can see it at
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
It has a
snazzy new logo with a stick figure dashing
up the Steps To a Healthier You on the side
of the pyramid. It’s supposed to be in
better tune with our complicated modern
life, the latest Scientific Thought, and
reflect a customized pyramid which better
fits our lifestyle, not that there’s
anything wrong with that. They have an
animation, a mini-poster for the
art-impaired, and, “a wealth of ideas to
help you get started to a healthier diet.
In better tune
– with modern life? Then why a pyramid?
Isn’t that Egypt-elitist? Doesn’t that
perhaps reflect a suspect cash infusion from
the travel industry? How many people will
EVER run up a pyramid? And if they do, why
aren’t they carrying a six pack of bottled
water? “Water, the Almost Food.” Because the
water lobby is weak, that’s why.
See, that’s
what’s wrong with government – no big
thinkers. All around us we see sellouts and
commercialization: Product placement;
Endorsements; Co-promotions; Synergism! But
does the government see this? Noooo. Instead
of cribbing money from this or that
entitlement program, why not some good old
entrepreneurship in our leadership! What do
you think McDonalds would pay to have that
stick figure run up the GOLDEN ARCHES?
But I wonder
if the department of food thought this
through? There could be a stick figure of a
mom in a stick minivan (note: sell van logo)
or a guy carrying a laptop (note: sell
computer logo) racing to catch a train
(note: place Amtrak logo), while talking on
his cell phone (note: sell cell phone logo).
Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? THINK of the
monetization possibilities which could all
go to reducing the budget deficit!
And while we
are free-thinking here, why not go wild and
sell advertising space on the one, five and
ten dollar bill? Some court is going to
strike down In God We Trust anyway.
Consider: “Reach Out and Touch Someone –
AT&T.” Wouldn’t they pay a billion for
umpteen gazillion impressions? And here’s
the best part – those bills have a limited
lifetime. The treasury is ALWAYS taking old
worn out ones out of the supply and printing
new ones. How many OTHER advertisers would
wait in LINE? What do you think Target would
pay to replace that odd eye and triangle
with the Target logo bullseye? And why show
an old building on the rear of the $10? Why
not show the latest Las Vegas resort? Keep
the Eagle. What do you think PETSMART would
pay for a little banner?
But back to
the Food Pyramid. Why not monetize
“calories”? What would McDonalds pay to
change the word to “McNutrients?
Of course,
we’d need an Office of Promotional Tie-In. I
think $500,000,000 would get it kick
started. Hey, why do we need zeros? They
could just as well be tiny Target logos.
