Should I Shop Online Or
Offline? A Shoppers' Guide
by: Steve Hawker
I went shopping with my wife the other day, to a
British city centre nearby. My ordeal lasted ten
hours. During many idle moments, I compiled this
rough guide for shoppers who are unsure whether to
shop online or offline in future.
I decided that
shoppers SHOULD shop offline, at a nearby
shopping centre, if they:
* Enjoy
getting up early, to drive through
slow-moving traffic and secure cheap parking
places.
* Aren't too
worried if their parked cars are scratched
or bumped anonymously whilst they're out
shopping.
* Thrive
outdoors in the British climate, and are
impervious to rain, hail, snow, wind, heat,
frost, fog etc.
* Welcome
walking from shop to shop, to find what they
or their partner needs, at the best prices.
* Don't panic
when their partner says that s/he wants to
try an eighth store for a 'special
something'.
* Like driving
and/or walking back to stores, if goods are
faulty, the wrong size or they forget
something.
* View the
carrying of heavy plastic bags, which slice
into their hands, as a form of exercise.
* See avoiding
pickpockets, thieves and robbers as a bit of
'sport' too.
* Tolerate
sinister young men with a taste for beer,
lurking in boisterous groups on street
corners.
* Humor young
parents with 4x4 buggies and/or unruly,
unrestrained toddlers that scream loudly.
* Think
retired people should only go shopping at
the weekends and in the evenings, at the
same time as people who work.
* Believe wide
friends have the right to amble slowly
side-by-side, in ways that block pavements
and passageways.
* Don't mind
being buffeted by other hungry shoppers,
also trying to secure tables at eating
outlets.
* Shrug-off
the astronomic prices in shopping centers,
for snacks and drinks of indifferent
quality.
* Enjoy
dodging cars, vans and lorries, and feel
they belong in city centers during shopping
hours.
* Think that
second-hand cigarette smoke and vehicle
fumes add a 'certain something' to shopping.
* Relish
sharing strangers' viruses, bacteria, body
odors, exotic language, odd habits etc.
* Are tolerant
of shop assistants' occasional bad manners,
surly behavior and incompetence.
* Like
queuing, smelly toilets and litter, and/or
removing dog mess and chewing gum from shoes
or buggy wheels.
* Enjoy
finding quiet spots in otherwise confined,
crowded and claustrophobic public spaces.
* Think
graffiti really is an art form, and smile
when shop maintenance goes unattended for
weeks.
* Shrug their
shoulders if shops open only when it's
convenient for owners, staff (and
politicians).
* Remove
carefully the flyers left furtively under
their windscreen wipers whilst parked and
read them avidly later.
I could go on
but, if you identify yourself with most of
these phenomena, then you probably should
shop at a shopping centre nearby. If, like
me though, you find many of them irksome,
you might consider shopping online instead
next time!
