Double Peppermint
Schnapps on the Rocks
by: Kingston Amadan
Many years ago when I was young, attractive and a
viable commodity on the dating market, I was
employed as a bartender. Believe it or not, I
actually went to "school" to learn this trade. I was
living in Las Vegas at the time, and I decided to
attend a local bartending academy (translated - you
pay us and we'll get you a job as a bartender). Six
years, 50,000 bottles of Bud Light and several
hundred Captain and cokes later I finally hung up my
shaker, but not before I learned a valuable trick to
two about meeting other singles at a club. The three
pieces of wisdom I feel safe imparting with are as
follows:
# 1 Never go
alone
#2 Pretend you
don't care if you meet someone or not (even
though we both know what you are there for,
you slut) AND
#3 Double
peppermint shnapps on the rocks
OK, 1 and 2
are fairly simple to understand...but what's
up with number 3, you ask?
It's simple,
really. You've shown up looking like a
million dollars (or $138.57 in my case). You
make eye contact with the guy or girl you
want to meet. You finally muster up the
courage to go over and introduce yourself
and then what do you do? Of course...you
lean in and turn your head so as not to
expose your future victim to the
intoxicating mix of cheap beer and saliva
your teeth are fermenting in. Why do you do
this? You do it because YOU KNOW your breath
is bad. How could it not be? Most mixed
drinks, beer and liquors aren't doing your
delivery any favors. So what's the solution?
Double peppermint schnapps on the rocks. I
remember vividly that one gentleman at a
nightclub I worked at always ordered it,
every single time he came in. Guess
what...he never went home alone unless he
wanted to. Let's face it, you wouldn't
immediately dismiss a man or woman who
slurred his or her speech while hitting on
you but you would put the kabash on a bad
breath encounter quicker than you could say
"last call". No one likes to see someone at
their worst, but to smell someone at their
worst is far more disgusting. So the next
time you go to the club looking for a
romantic encounter, order the one drink that
might help you out. If you really want to be
safe, send one over to the table of the
person you are interested in before you take
that long walk over to make your case. Good
luck and good breath.
