Bad Breath Terminology
by: Kingston Amadan
We all know someone who has bad breath. Still, you
may not be current on all the slang associated with
this unfortunate condition. Not to worry, my friend.
I am here to provide you with more than a few
descriptive phrases to use when referring to
recurring bad breath, also known as halitosis. This
is not meant to be amusing, but rather meant to
provide a public service to those who want to
classify people around them who have bad breath
without appearing to be out of the loop. The last
thing I want you to do is blurt out that someone
simply has "bad breath" as that can be an
unforgivable social faux pas in the wrong crowd. To
be safe, please refer to this list describing the
malady in more current terms.
When someone
exhibits bad breath, it is now said that
they are:
A) farting
topside
B) leaking
some limburger
C) melting the
moustache
D) burning
tires on their tongue
E) polluting
the local environment
F) exploring
the limits of personal space with every
exhalation
Just think of
how much more poignant these remarks will be
than the old standard of, "so and so has bad
breath". Now you too can appear "bad breath"
savvy when reporting the condition. No need
to thank me for this, helping others is what
I do. I don't recommend that you make these
comment to the offending person, as they
might give the impression of a lack of tact
on your part. Besides, telling someone they
have bad breath isn't nearly as fun as
telling someone else about them. Of course,
no one would do this for the simple joy of
gossiping about another's misfortune. Like
me, I'm certain you would merely be passing
along vital information in the hope that it
would work its way around to the intended
recipient. This way, you have absolved
yourself of the serious responsibility of
telling someone their breath offends and
placed that burden not so squarely on the
shoulders of a mutual acquaintance.
Devilishly brilliant, in my opinion.
